yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
