3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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