Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
