If that was your dad, he is hot
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
