How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
