Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
