dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
