I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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