is your mom at the bar?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
