I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My ass is underappreciated
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
