Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
