i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
