No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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