Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
