apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
