To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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