Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
