just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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