and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
