Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
