saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
