Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
