its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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