When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize