nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
