don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
