And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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