There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the day after is always just damage control
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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