I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize