Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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