the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
