I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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