last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
