You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
