a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
