saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
