You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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