My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
There's even glitter on my cock...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
