Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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