I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
