I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize