I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
