can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
