went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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