I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
