Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
