Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
