i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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