I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
