Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
