She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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