why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
