Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
