If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
