My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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