I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
