As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
