I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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