I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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