i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
