If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
