home. puking in laundry basket.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
