Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
