Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
