it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
