I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
