i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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