Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
