Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
