The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
