I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
