We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
