If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
