at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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