I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
