dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
