apparently the secret to your success is patron
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
