and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
