Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
