i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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