You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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