I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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