Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
